What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 05:42
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Which document should be pointed out to a holocaust denier?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Can you tell me something about yourself?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
(And it was in our own minds.)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why do most Indian women cuckold or cheat on their husbands?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What's an uncomfortable truth you've learned to accept?
She found it foreign!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
What are some cute picnic ideas for a romantic date?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So, i spoilt her more .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why hasn't Japan legalized same-sex marriage?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
If you could instantly cancel one social norm, what would it be?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ive learnt so much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it wasn’t much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It was going to be , some day.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im still living with it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Put me off passion for life!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What did i know ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I will be 64.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was 9 years of age.
We were not on the streets..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He knew the spot.
She was in good health!
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My life is so biszare .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I waited trembling.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When she asked me how she looked .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She married twice! .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was very sick at this time too.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She loved him until the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was scared of men, in general
I think the readers, may guess!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was seconnd youngest,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .